student in new york city
kretippppnya whoa xD
The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my lifetime so far is that even the people you love most in this world can turn their back on you.
Your so called “sisters” that you love and adore so dearly, are quick to turn against you.
I thought you all cared about me.
But now things aren’t the same at all.
The ones i can go to and talk about my feelings when I’m hurting are gone.
I can’t vent to anyone, I can’t talk about my feelings.
Not to them nor my family or my other “brothers”.
They are more concerned with the money in their pockets and their bloody income rather then our “family”.
I have committed black sins for some of them.
I’ve participated in the destruction of other peoples lives.
I am at least thankful that most of these actions remain within the shadows.
I’d rather have the world think I’m some punk wannabe then know of what I’ve done.
They will look at me as if I’m a monster.
Vanity comes with a battery ram at my door when I try to overcome it.
I have swallowed my pride enough times to make me feel disgusted with myself.
But it was the right thing to do in my eyes at the time.
I fucking took it like a man.
"You want a player who has the guts to fight back?
"No, I want the player who’s got the guts not to fight back." Harrison Ford
One for all and all for one is not included in our family.
There is no such thing as fair.
I hope you’re good at chess.
If you can’t apply that game to the underworld, it’s only a matter of time before you’re best friends set you up and betray you. Its only a matter of time before you end up dead somewhere, with not even enough respect to bury you properly.
It’s sad how things come to be.
I’m lost in the darkness of my severed conscience.
My ankles are chained, and I’m being dragged down a pool of drugs and alcohol.
I want to stop so badly.
But its all around me, and I have to pay almost nothing.
Everyone around me does it.
There is only a pinch of sober friends left who are actual adults.
It’s nuts how some of these people still wish to associate with me.
After everything that has happened.
No one understands me.
That’s a terribly depressing thought.
I have wanted to get my life on track for a long time, but somehow I’ve made no action whatsoever.
The drugs have caught up to me a very long time ago.
It all burns me out harder then anyone knows.
Puking everyday for months; I can’t help it.
When I’m using, and when I’m not using.
I’m still going puke at some point.
Everything has slipped out of my hands.
I don’t know myself anymore.
I don’t know who is looking at me in the mirror.
The greatest enemy is the stranger in the mirror.
Which of your friends are actually working towards their future in a positive way?
Which of your friends are actually growing themselves without committing terrible sins?
We all have a void inside.
People fill that void with drugs, money, power, greed, and lust.
Today is supposed to be one of the worst days of my life.
I couldn’t even face the first part.
Sometimes I think about giving up and saying fuck everything.
Half of me is cynical and fucked up.
Sadistic and twisted.
A walking morbid paradise.
I need to make the initial core changes before the storm comes.
All I know is coming to an end.
Its just only a matter of time.
May the Fourth be with you.